That statement alone says a lot about my father and the things he did for us to make us more of a family so early on in our lives, after our Mom had gotten away from an abusive and mainly absent man who didn't understand what it meant to be Dad. My oldest son is from my first marriage, and, over time, he found that he has two sets of full time parents that talk and do what they can, whenever it comes to making big decisions regarding his life and he has been blessed by this communication. He has a brother at his Mom's house and two brothers here at his Dad's house. He comes from what is termed a "broken family" and yet over time has found that he has two homes where he can lay his head at night and depend on two adults to help him however we all can.
This didn't just happen overnight - there were many hard feelings like any divorce will and does have.
Though many strongly (and usually emotion based harshness) words were exchanged numerous times over the early years, we found through patience, time, and understanding that what mattered most was our son and what was best for him. It mainly was the Love we shared for a common child that helped us develop the understanding that as his parents, we had to let bygones be gone...period.
I didn't get that benefit growing up but, I did get two parents who did what was best for me and my siblings. My parents ultimately also divorced before I graduated High School and that hurt for some time. However, I saw through communication and once again, Love that my parents were happier people and wanted what was best for me in the end. It's a strange way to have grown up, but it prepared me for what my own son had to learn over time after a divorce happens. Divorce has become the "norm" these days and that is too bad but, what needs to be done better is what I had the benefit of seeing and also doing...worrying more about the children who suffer the most through a split of their parents.
I can only hope that more families will be able to stay together and raise their children but in the meantime, those that must part ways when they have children, need to overcome those feelings of abandonment and anger to allow time for the children involved (because no matter what you think, they ARE involved in a divorce) and do what is right by the kids.
I have lived it as a child, teenager, and as a parent and can say from personal experience that divorce is hard, yes. It can however, be handled better when it comes to the kids and give them the chance to grow up better adjusted to the real world and able to see the things that matter most...family!
Whether it be Dad's family or Mom's family, they are all the child's family! I am a Dad and I love being one. I have a Dad and I love that he was and still is my Dad. I have gained a larger family because my parents met and married and divorced and remarried. Thank God that I have a family! And you should too! (I wrote this and shared it with you because I over heard a couple women in a check out line talking about their recent divorces and how they were planning to make sure that the Dad's would never see their kids because they had the audacity to divorce them.)
I try to not be a judgemental person but I couldn't help myself at that particular moment and turned and said to them both, "I'm sorry you two had to get divorced and that your marriages didn't work for you. I am a Dad and went through a divorce. I lost a lot of precious time with my son and thankfully have been able to recapture our relationship. I grew up in a home that was a divorced family that became a large family. Please, unless the fathers have truly abused their kids, don't take them away from Dad. They need each other as much as you need your children too. Please don't feel offended by me but, my Dad adopted me becaue he loved my Mom a long time ago. They fell out of love and thankfully my Mom didn't hold a grudge against him seeing us. Your child will grow up and find out about their Dad on their own and can make an assessment about their Dad then. Once again I don't mean to offend or intrude on your lives but, making sure they don't see Dad only because YOU were hurt will hurt your relationship with your child down the road and I hope I have made you see that that is something that can be avoided today. Just try to think about what your actions could do in the long run."
They both stared at me for a second and lo and behold, one of them said to me, "I divorced him because I don't love him anymore but, you're right. He will see his son later today and I won't stop that. He really is a good Dad to *Billy (* name changed) and he probably would fall apart without his son....thanks!" The other girl looked at her friend like she had just rained on her Dad Hating parade. At least I got through to one of them and I hope *Billy had a great time with his Dad that day!
Thanks for reading and I hope it helps someone who may be confused or hurt right now while they are going through their own divorce!
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