The oldest is 17 and has gotten past the worries and concerns of dealing with bullies these days. It helps that he is almost 6 foot tall and built rather well, so he doesn't have to deal with it. He did as a young child though when he had a bone disease called Legg-calf perthes. It's a disease of the hip bone, generally found in young boys ages 3 through young teenage years.
The earlier it is found the better the chances for a good treatment to save them from being permanently crippled. The disease attacks the rounded top of the femur bone where it slides into the hip joint causing misalignment of the joint, or it disfigures the bone forcing the joint to separate. Garrett had the latter form of it and went through numerous treatments ranging from traction, double leg casts holding his legs wide apart, leg braces that again kept his legs separated at a very wide stance, pins placed in his hip to hold the joint together, etc...
He dealt with the disease very well for a young boy who had watched his parents divorce and both re-marry. His resolve was remarkable to say the least and I am not bragging because he is my son but, because his doctor constantly was telling me and his mother over the years of treatment just how resilient Garrett was and how he admired his moxie because he constantly told his doctor he was going to play sports and do the other "normal" things all boys did.
Garrett did just that and was a better than average athlete if I do say so. Basketball was his primary sport with time put in to football and baseball. Short spans in the others but, he can say he did play them and he played them well.
The problem was early on when he would go to school with the leg braces on and the names he had to deal with being called (this was in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grades) on a mainly daily basis. "Iron Legs", Forrest Gump", and others to name a few. He hardly mentioned it much to his mom at the time and I thought he saw it a more of a "Guy Thing" for him to talk to me about. Garrett actually had a good outlook on it and didn't let it get to him too much because he did have a very good personality with quite a few kids and those friends of his stood up for him when it happened.
By the 5th grade or so he had overcome those that would try to drag him down and thankfully the treatments were showing positive signs, with bone growth in the proper way and his range of motion seemed to improve daily.
As I said, he played many sports and did the "normal" things just like he said he would. Garrett graduates high school this year and plans to study physical therapy in college. As he says, "I saw so many of them over the years I'm almost qualified now."
Again, a good outlook can do wonders and don't misunderstand, Garrett tried his best to walk the line (and cross it a little bit) like all teenagers do. After all, he said he would do the "normal" things and he has...lol!
My now nine year old son Dale, has been raised to be aware of and sensitive to the feelings of other children and unfortunately, that has made him more of a target for some bullies at his school. I still believe that he is raised properly and he also has quite the positive outlook on life in general and has a very engaging personality. He has had some moments that have confused him as to why other kids will say the mean things they say but, his school has a very proactive approach to bullying and it has been settled on most occasions without the need to suspend kids, or put something on their permanent school record. Dale has learned through these times that not responding to bullies and showing them that they are bothered by the meanness, will ultimately take away the enjoyment that bullies get from name-calling and the like.
Recently this year however, he was caught off guard when a child made a rather teenage level derogatory remark and it was concured by not another bully but, by one of Dale's closer friends. This time it got to him. He went to sit on his own at lunch that day which he NEVER does and pretty much shell-shocked him for the day. I could see on his face that day when I picked him up from school (the parent standing next to me could too because Dale ALWAYS has a smile) and I asked him what was wrong. He asked if we could talk on the way home and not there which of course I said sure to. We weren't ten feet away from the school when his eyes teared up and he looked at me and said, "Dad, even my friends are being mean to me and I don't know why!" After which he burbled out more words that I couldn't make out and it tore my heart out for him to be this hurt. We got home and I finally got him to calm down and explain the sequence of events (this is important to do, have them explain it step by step and word by word as it makes them see in time how silly the bullies really are) that happened.
When I realized that his friend was a part of it I understood his confusion and pain but, I also knew that I could talk to the boy's Dad and get ti settled quickly, because this was way out of character for this particular boy. His father realized that the remark was foolish and made no sense but, how hearing it from a friend could cause damage, handled it very well and my son and his friend are closer than ever today. I found out as I suspected that Dale's buddy was actually a little intimidated by the bully and thought he could keep himself in the clear by simply agreeing with him at the time.
He went home with guilt for having done that and before his Dad could ask what was going on he told his Dad, "I think I hurt Dale's feelings today and it makes my stomach hurt!" Obviously he didn't mean what he said but, knew it was wrong to take the high road at the expense of a friend. The next day was one of apologies and admitting even to the principal what he had said (I admire him for the honesty at that point because ALL principals are scary when you are nine years old) as well as who else said it. The primary bully that day was handled and eventually apologized to Dale as well. He and Dale are not close buddies but, the boy doesn't say or do those things anymore to anyone.
I give my sons school credit for it's proactive approach on how to manage bullying at the early stages and hopefully preventing it from getting too serious in later years. We have all seen or read about the school shootings throughout our country and how so many of them are the result of bullying. I believe that raising my sons to be positive about life and having an open and approachable personality is a benefit for them to handle those situations in a more mature and stable manner. My youngest son has a speech impediment that I know he will hear about in the coming years (maybe not since he is bigger than all the kids in his class...lol!) and I am sure he will handle it much like his older brothers because he is being raised much the same as them and he has seen first hand how they have dealt with it.
I want you all to remember that bullying is a SERIOUS issue that if handled early and properly, we just may see less and less horrific violence when they get older and my friends....THAT is what we call a "Good Thing"! Again, I thank you for your valuable personal time spent reading my thought and I hope it opens your eyes to another subject that is real and won't just 'go away' in time.
The children do not necessarily need to 'toughen up a bit' but, the kids that are the ones being predators need to be taught a different way of life. Period.
This is such an important issue. My son's school is supposed to have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. My son is in Kindergarten and is being made fun of (speech impediment and he cried in class). I was told by the administration that he needs to learn how deal with it. Although he does need to learn more coping skills, the other children clearly need to learn more compassion. The school's true policy appears to be "zero tolerance for the bullied."
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